You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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