Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
