he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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