I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize