my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
