I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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