Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
