So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
