I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize