Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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