his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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