I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
