Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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