Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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