we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
