cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
