mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
