So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
