I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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