Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize