dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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