So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
