I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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