I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
