just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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