I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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