why didn't you poke me back
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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