Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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