This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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