So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
