is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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