I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
