My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
