So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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