Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
