I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
