I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
