Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
