I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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