i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize