I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
