You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
