he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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