he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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