The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
