There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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