Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
