why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
