I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
