he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
