cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
