awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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