it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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