yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
