New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
