How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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