All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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