You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
