i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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