So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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