I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
