He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
