After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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