did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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