Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
