I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
