Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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