What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
