i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
