We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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