he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
