Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
3 2 1 whiskey
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
