I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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