my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
