im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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