how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
