drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
