and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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