They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
