That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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