I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
