halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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