I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
