who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
