You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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