Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
