get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
