Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
