Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
