If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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