Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think my vagina is haunted
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize