If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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