I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
