i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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