Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
