come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
