She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
