and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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