I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
