so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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