May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
