Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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