There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
