explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
