what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I believe in your delicious
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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