We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
