we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
