True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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