it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
