I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
