Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
