You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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