Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
