Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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