when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize