i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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