4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
